Love Food. Will Eat.

I am self-proclaimed foodie.  I love all types of food.  The colours, the scents, the flavours, they all fascinate me.  Individual ingredients combined to create a culinary masterpiece to view, to smell, to taste, to devour; my favourite type of art.

Nutrition is a necessity of life.  We must all eat.  We must eat to live.  My issue is that I live to eat.  I am the type of person that has a craving every day, not just every once in a while and I cannot shake the desire until I have eaten the food.  The simplest thing will trigger said desire.  If I overhear someone mention something they made the night before, or see something on TV, immediately I feel the need to have it and I will not rest until I do.  It saddens me to know this as my reality.  I have so much respect for people who are able to turn down a special treat when it is offered to them.  I envy that control.  I don’t possess that control.  I desperately want that control.

To complicate this love of food and lack of self control is the speed at which I eat, not allowing myself to feel full until I have eaten far too much.  To make matters worse, I continuously ignore my food intolerances and suffer the consequences time and time again.  I recognize these weaknesses, I understand how they’re harmful and yet I permit them to continue.  Self control, WHERE ARE YOU?

Like the other mental struggles I’ve been working so hard to overcome, this has now joined the list.  Rome wasn’t built in a day,  I must tackle my demons one at a time.  Regaining self control is now priority.  How will I accomplish this?  I’m not entirely sure but I think dedicating one of my many empty notebooks to log all things food is a good start.

I tend to find clarity and calm when I organize my thoughts into written word.  Writing allows me to purge my mind of all the clutter and provides for structure that can’t otherwise be formed.

I will start logging every day not only what I’ve eaten but why I’ve eaten those particular foods and how I felt when I was unable to stop when I knew I should have.  I must delve into the feelings attached to my eating and work through them.  If I made a poor choice, I will write in a better alternative.  I’m going to take a psychological approach to “dieting” and hope that through this I will regain the ability to make better choices.  This is just another piece to the puzzle in becoming what I’ve sought to become this past year, a better version of me.

Change is difficult.  We all face our own struggles, we are all aware of our own weaknesses and although the desire to improve may be present, the ability to break habits, to cause change, is easier said than done.  When the desire is initially sparked it is usually strong however as time passes the novelty wears off and it slowly disappears until we are back to square one.  We must stay focused and not forget why we made the original decision to change.  We must keep the embers burning.