Love Food. Will Eat.

I am self-proclaimed foodie.  I love all types of food.  The colours, the scents, the flavours, they all fascinate me.  Individual ingredients combined to create a culinary masterpiece to view, to smell, to taste, to devour; my favourite type of art.

Nutrition is a necessity of life.  We must all eat.  We must eat to live.  My issue is that I live to eat.  I am the type of person that has a craving every day, not just every once in a while and I cannot shake the desire until I have eaten the food.  The simplest thing will trigger said desire.  If I overhear someone mention something they made the night before, or see something on TV, immediately I feel the need to have it and I will not rest until I do.  It saddens me to know this as my reality.  I have so much respect for people who are able to turn down a special treat when it is offered to them.  I envy that control.  I don’t possess that control.  I desperately want that control.

To complicate this love of food and lack of self control is the speed at which I eat, not allowing myself to feel full until I have eaten far too much.  To make matters worse, I continuously ignore my food intolerances and suffer the consequences time and time again.  I recognize these weaknesses, I understand how they’re harmful and yet I permit them to continue.  Self control, WHERE ARE YOU?

Like the other mental struggles I’ve been working so hard to overcome, this has now joined the list.  Rome wasn’t built in a day,  I must tackle my demons one at a time.  Regaining self control is now priority.  How will I accomplish this?  I’m not entirely sure but I think dedicating one of my many empty notebooks to log all things food is a good start.

I tend to find clarity and calm when I organize my thoughts into written word.  Writing allows me to purge my mind of all the clutter and provides for structure that can’t otherwise be formed.

I will start logging every day not only what I’ve eaten but why I’ve eaten those particular foods and how I felt when I was unable to stop when I knew I should have.  I must delve into the feelings attached to my eating and work through them.  If I made a poor choice, I will write in a better alternative.  I’m going to take a psychological approach to “dieting” and hope that through this I will regain the ability to make better choices.  This is just another piece to the puzzle in becoming what I’ve sought to become this past year, a better version of me.

Change is difficult.  We all face our own struggles, we are all aware of our own weaknesses and although the desire to improve may be present, the ability to break habits, to cause change, is easier said than done.  When the desire is initially sparked it is usually strong however as time passes the novelty wears off and it slowly disappears until we are back to square one.  We must stay focused and not forget why we made the original decision to change.  We must keep the embers burning.

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Coconut Cake

I chose to make a coconut cake for a potluck at work a few months back.

I came across the recipe which reminded me of something I had eaten in my home country.  Such sweet memories.  I knew I had to try my hand at it.

By the time I began baking the cake it was already 8pm and although exhausted, I was determined to make this thing from scratch.

There is something to be said about creating something to be enjoyed by others.  Whether it is a piece of art, or music, or food, I think we can all relate to this wonderful sense of fulfillment.

It was a messy process.  Lots of bowls, flour everywhere and constant hand-washing due to my fear of salmonella poisoning (no joke).  The end result may not have been perfect but I was happy.  It was fluffy and sweet and delicious and quite lovely to look at.

coconut_cake

The cake was a hit with my coworkers and it felt so good to create something from nothing.  What started as a list of ingredients and a mess on my counters ended as this beautiful tray of sweets.

I had an epiphany after making this cake.  The happiness & sense of fulfillment I felt in making the cake is possible to feel in all aspects of my life.

Creating from nothing, making something.  I am a creator.
Meals & treats to share, games & activities for my kids, plans & goals for myself & my family.
When I fill journals and notebooks, I am creating.
When I go to work I am compiling, I am producing.
I have purpose, we all have purpose.
We all create, we all produce in some capacity, in one form or another.

We must merely recognize that our actions throughout the day help to create and modify, mold and transform.

We are all creators by nature and we all have the ability to make great things.

When we become aware and when we allow it to be, life can be so sweet;
One bite, one taste, one moment at a time.

Awake

I recently started drinking coffee again a few months ago.  At first because I ran out of decaf, but then I began preferring the taste and enjoyed the ability to function during the day without the overwhelming desire to drop everything and nap!

I was struggling with the way it made me feel.  The caffeine put me in this state of heightened awareness where my emotions were stronger and my mind raced.
Thoughts everywhere!
I had stopped drinking coffee many times before for this reason, but recently I thought, if only I could control these feelings, I could enjoy being awake!

And so, I did.20160814_115953

I learned I needed my coffee in the morning to start my day, to productively check off my list of all of my to-do’s.  So after some time, the effect of the caffeine became less alarming and I learned to love drinking coffee again.  I was obsessed with coffee as a child.  Family members would let me sneak sips behind my mom’s back.  It was deliciously rich and always satisfying.  I couldn’t wait to be an adult so that I could drink as much coffee as I wanted, at my own leisure without anyone telling me that I couldn’t and that it would stunt my growth.

And now here I am, standing proudly at 5’2 with a coffee in one hand and a notebook in the other.  It feels great to be awake!

Are you a coffee lover?  A tea-drinker?  Or do you prefer energy drinks or smoothies?  What is your drink of choice in the morning?  What helps you to wake up and start your day?