The Generational Gap: Crap, I’m Getting Old!

 

Somedays I feel so blah.  I’ve sat here for a good 10 minutes now with my Mac on my lap staring at the screen trying to find motivation, inspiration; something, ANYTHING!  Instead, I found nothing, I felt nothing.  I am bored.  I feel blah.

I can’t begin to imagine what I would have done with this amazing machine when I was younger.  If I had been given this world at my fingertips 20 years ago, I wouldn’t have taken it for granted as I seem to be doing now.  I would have been glued to it from morning to night.  I would have created so much with it.  This technology is amazing.  It can take me anywhere.  It can teach me anything, and yet at this moment I have nothing to show for it.  How sad.

I remember discussing this with a lovely young lady last year.  I began telling her how unbelievably lucky she is to have all this technology available to her; literally knowledge at her fingertips at any time of the day.

I told her it was much more difficult “back in my day” when researching for school assignments and projects when we had to read through countless books to acquire and compile information.  She proceeded to ask, “So did like everyone go to the library?”, to which I responded as my palm met my face, “Umm, yes!”

When I continued to say we had to read Encyclopedias, she asked, “Encyclo…what?”

“Like Wikipedia, only the real deal”.  I answered in shock.

How is it possible that this person who is only 15 years my junior has no clue what an Encyclopedia is?  And then boom, it hit me.  There are so many things in her day to day life to which I am completely oblivious.  Like the one time she said my house was “so Tumblr”.  Is that a compliment?

I realize that whether I believe it or not, I am old.  At least I am to her and to her generation.  I am a thing of the past, a relic just trying to figure out if my eyebrows are on fleek.  Do I even want them to be?

This generational gap is much more evident than I previously thought.

My eyes are slowly starting to close and I realize perhaps it’s time for bed.  After all, it is 10:09pm.  Isn’t that where most 30 somethings can be found at this time?

Gloomy Skies, Gloomy Soul

I awake in the morning and the absence of light peaking through the blinds confirms the forecast was right, gloomy skies await.  I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet and already I can feel the dark cloud hovering over me.  I grudgingly sit up and rest my feet on the hardwood floor. Sigh.

I know the sun can’t always shine brightly and that our crops were thirsting for this rain, but I am really missing that bright blue sky.

It is interesting just how much the weather can affect our moods and our outlook.  Why is that?  I suppose it is because we are a product of our environment.  Our attitudes can easily  be affected by what surrounds us.

We are figurative sponges soaking up everything in our paths, whether intentional or not, our ability to absorb is inevitable.

This is a wonderful thing, when the weather is beautiful and the people around us are happy and positive but what about on days like today?

When I got to work today I had to fight the wind while walking to the building as it blew my hair violently across my face.  My office was dark, opening the blinds didn’t help.  I then asked myself, am I really going to spend all day sulking over the weather?  No!  I refuse to waste another day being a downer.  So I made a mental commitment to turn my frown upside down and to just be happy.  I would have hated to have spread my gloom to those around me.

As I sipped on my piping hot coffee, I reminded myself of what I was grateful for today, that cup of deliciousness being one of them, and slowly the negativity started to fade away.

I buckled down and got to work and before I knew it I was too busy to allow the dark skies to cloud my mood.  As the day progressed, the clouds outside slowly disappeared too.

Coconut Cake

I chose to make a coconut cake for a potluck at work a few months back.

I came across the recipe which reminded me of something I had eaten in my home country.  Such sweet memories.  I knew I had to try my hand at it.

By the time I began baking the cake it was already 8pm and although exhausted, I was determined to make this thing from scratch.

There is something to be said about creating something to be enjoyed by others.  Whether it is a piece of art, or music, or food, I think we can all relate to this wonderful sense of fulfillment.

It was a messy process.  Lots of bowls, flour everywhere and constant hand-washing due to my fear of salmonella poisoning (no joke).  The end result may not have been perfect but I was happy.  It was fluffy and sweet and delicious and quite lovely to look at.

coconut_cake

The cake was a hit with my coworkers and it felt so good to create something from nothing.  What started as a list of ingredients and a mess on my counters ended as this beautiful tray of sweets.

I had an epiphany after making this cake.  The happiness & sense of fulfillment I felt in making the cake is possible to feel in all aspects of my life.

Creating from nothing, making something.  I am a creator.
Meals & treats to share, games & activities for my kids, plans & goals for myself & my family.
When I fill journals and notebooks, I am creating.
When I go to work I am compiling, I am producing.
I have purpose, we all have purpose.
We all create, we all produce in some capacity, in one form or another.

We must merely recognize that our actions throughout the day help to create and modify, mold and transform.

We are all creators by nature and we all have the ability to make great things.

When we become aware and when we allow it to be, life can be so sweet;
One bite, one taste, one moment at a time.

Awake

I recently started drinking coffee again a few months ago.  At first because I ran out of decaf, but then I began preferring the taste and enjoyed the ability to function during the day without the overwhelming desire to drop everything and nap!

I was struggling with the way it made me feel.  The caffeine put me in this state of heightened awareness where my emotions were stronger and my mind raced.
Thoughts everywhere!
I had stopped drinking coffee many times before for this reason, but recently I thought, if only I could control these feelings, I could enjoy being awake!

And so, I did.20160814_115953

I learned I needed my coffee in the morning to start my day, to productively check off my list of all of my to-do’s.  So after some time, the effect of the caffeine became less alarming and I learned to love drinking coffee again.  I was obsessed with coffee as a child.  Family members would let me sneak sips behind my mom’s back.  It was deliciously rich and always satisfying.  I couldn’t wait to be an adult so that I could drink as much coffee as I wanted, at my own leisure without anyone telling me that I couldn’t and that it would stunt my growth.

And now here I am, standing proudly at 5’2 with a coffee in one hand and a notebook in the other.  It feels great to be awake!

Are you a coffee lover?  A tea-drinker?  Or do you prefer energy drinks or smoothies?  What is your drink of choice in the morning?  What helps you to wake up and start your day?

 

Retraining My Mind. Redirecting My Energy.

 

“Each of has to find his peace from within.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Scrolling through my phone, an imagine of a lighthouse in the sunset catches my eye.  Those words leap from the screen.

How unbelievably true, how perfectly timed.

For a few months now I have been experiencing anxiety at many different times, in varying degrees, caused by numerous triggers.

I originally tried avoiding the triggers, until I noticed almost everything could be a trigger if I allowed it to be.  The problem wasn’t with the outside world.  The problem was with my perception of events.  The problem was that I allowed myself to be worried.  I allowed my mind to wander and to fear the worst.  I allowed the fear to cloud my judgement, to cloud my ability to rationalize my thoughts.

I began understanding that if I was to come out of this victorious, I would have to re-train my mind to stop the worry the moment it began; to visualize it as a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it away.

I am learning to redirect my energy into the good that I hope to accomplish, and into the peace I want to feel, instead of focusing it on what is stopping me.

This skill is not easy to acquire and I am still working on perfecting it with each passing day, but boy am I getting good at it!  I am noticing true progress from the beginning of the year to now.  I just have to keep on keepin’ on!  After all, practice makes perfect, right?

 

Mothers Need Their Own Time Too

It’s the little things that bring me joy.  Getting to catch up on my favourite television show while indulging in a little treat while the kids snooze off to dream land.  It is a much needed indulgence.  My opportunity to let go of stress from the past day and to refuel for the next.

Oftentimes, we as mothers may feel guilty when we make time for ourselves.  Why is that?  It is crucial to let go of this guilt and to allow ourselves this time.

A happy, well-balanced woman makes for a happy, well-functioning mother.  We all need a little more time to ourselves.  Time to relax, time to have fun, time to do things we no longer do on a normal basis.  Why should we feel or be made to feel guilty of this basic, human need?

The moment I became a mother I thought that my life was now my son’s life.  I was willing and thought it was right to dedicate my whole life, my whole future to him, to his nurturing, to his growth, to his well-being.  I stopped doing things for myself, I stopped going places I didn’t think were fit of a new mom.  I missed my best friend’s bachelorette trip because I just couldn’t leave my son.  I was his mother, he needed me.  It took a good couple of years for me to recognize that this was unhealthy and not natural at all.  I realized I needed time for me too, and my son could totally use a break from his overprotective mama!  I needed to find the right balance between being a mother, being a wife, and being my own person.

I still struggle with this sometimes, but I have gotten much, much better at it.  Like now for example, instead of folding towels, I’m watching the tube & scarfing down ice cream.  Laundry can wait.

Little Man, Big Tree. Time to Ponder, Air to Breathe.

I sometimes forget that my son is more than just my little boy; he is his own person, a man in the making.  He was upset at us today because he didn’t get to go where he wanted to go.  He was so upset that he refused to interact with us and said he wanted to be left alone.  My first instinct was to force him to be with us and to pretend to be happy.  I couldn’t possibly allow him to indulge in such an act.  I refuse to raise a spoiled brat. But when I saw him sitting on that bench, looking around, I realized he is a human being, a person with feelings, just like me, just like his dad and just like everyone else in this world.

20160523_201744_edited-1He is entitled to his feelings, he is allowed to be angry and I shouldn’t make him suppress that.

I decided to let him be, to have his time to himself.  He wasn’t hurting himself or anyone else (aside from my feelings).

He is no different than me.  I get angry too, more than I’d like to admit.  Instead of telling him to not be angry, I need to teach him how to manage his anger and how to deal with it as he grows.

I want my children to know how to handle their emotions; not be disciplined for having them.

Allowing him his alone time today was tough at first but I am confident it was the right choice.  It gave him time to think and to feel and it gave me a moment of clarity…and a great photo op!